Husband signs a “You Can whip my ass” contract with his wife

original article in >> Telegraph U.K. <<  …My commentary is written in  BOLD ITALICS

"It smells like egg foo yung in this suit"

The 32-year-old man, who was named by the Chongqing Evening News as Mr Zhang, took the unusual step after suffering intense abuse from his wife, who studies kung fu. < see..his first mistake was marrying some ole Kill Bill ass bitch.


"Me fuck you up looong time"

“I don’t want to beat him, but arguments are inevitable and I can’t help myself,” his wife told the newspaper. She added that in the week before they signed the deal, she had beaten him up three times.

Rule #1 Never marry a chick that can kick your ass. Haven’t  you bootlegged seen NORBIT fool?

Mr Zhang said his wife, who is a sales manager at a trading company, had studied kung fu since her childhood and that he was attracted to her “strong and independent temperament”.

" I will whip yo lil ching chong ass"

Yeah?…Rasputia had a strong ass temperament too. I bet you didn’t know that temperament came with a strong ass butterfly kick

He also admitted that he had suffered at her hands throughout their six-month courtship. “Before we got married, she had a wild hairstyle and I teased that it made her look like a tigress. #Rule 2 NEVER EVER EVER be fool enough to criticize a woman’s hair. You kinda needed your ass whipped for that one.During the argument that followed, I said some bad words and I got a taste of her kung fu for the first time.” <aaaand probably a taste of you own blood.>

He said that he had tried to bite his lip in order to avoid being punished, but that he “never wants to lose an argument” and so always ends up with “bruises and scars all over”. < see theeere’s ya problem dumb ass. Men..just like women…need to know when to shut the fuck up.

In order to curb his wife’s aggression, Mr Zhang proposed signing a contract in front of his in-laws. If his wife breaches the contract, she has to return to her parents’ home for three days. “She is very obedient to her parents, and her parents will support me and blame her,” he said. “Bitch…hit me again and I’mma tell yo momma?” Dude ur shittin me right? You’re such a loose spined pussy that you actually had a contract drawn up to keep your wife off your ass? Couldn’t just fight back huh? or even better…leave?  What a jackass.

His wife said that she always feels regret when she sees her husband with a black eye. “Now that we have a contract, I will force myself to drop the use of force,” she said. <This broad really needs some fucking anger management.

Mr Zhang’s parents told the newspaper that although they felt bad that their son was regularly attacked, the couple were a good match. “They have a good marriage, so we can say nothing about it,” said his father. < That’s because she probably whipped yall ass’ too. They sound a lil traumatized to me.

I mean damn…we’ve all done some silly shit in the name of love…but contractual ass whippings? I’d rather spend my days reading People magazine to a room full of cats.

13 Comments »

  1. ulovejay Said:

    A contractual ass whipping is a new one for me, I have heard of contractual sex. Well pain is pleasure, and if he likes it, I love it.

    • minista Said:

      That fool fuckin it up for men everywhere…not to mention setting some poor bitch up to get her ass handed to her.

      • ulovejay Said:

        True , fuck around and bytches all over the world start taking kung fu lessons after reading this shyt! oh i can beat a nigga down and he’ll still marry me?

  2. Im mad that the punk ass ran to tell her parents, and that she listens to her damn parents but not her damn husband.

    *wonders if he has a brother I have some built up anger issues*

  3. chocl8t Said:

    O_O

    I wishamuthafugga would….

    • minista Said:

      Ya know? Choc…I would have to break a rule and whip that bitches ass one good time before I asked for a divorce.

  4. Are you saying that I can’t add in a clause in our marriage that says I can whoop you? But I thought we talked about this and you were OK with it?!

    • minista Said:

      Jaded…what we discussed was duct tape and a lil light choking…This bitch is a KUNG-FU MASTER…u just watch the movies.

  5. LADY*GODIVA Said:

    hahahah this gives me all sorts of unsavory ideas…j/k she obviously has a problem and needs help..but he may like his spankings

  6. P.A. Said:

    This is why they make guns.

  7. jon hlutke Said:

    I am short and wear cute little shoes.

    I hate being short!!! Yep. I said it. I hate being short. It sucks. I hate that it has come to define who I am. I hate that that is the first thing people see when they see me.
    It sucks even more when you are short…

    You can’t find clothes that fit decently.
    You can’t reach things at stores. (or anywhere else for that matter)
    Chairs can be a bit uncomfortable when your feet NEVER touch the ground.
    It can be hard to find a car that you can actually ‘see out of’ to drive.
    Climbing on washers to get your laundry out is never fun.
    People feel that they have the right to ask you how tall you are…and then of course the ever so popular ‘How old are you?’ soon follows.

    I am to the point in my life where I can just TELL when someone is ‘sizing me up’, trying to figure out how tall or how old I am. I can see it on their faces. (Nothing like being obvious, people!) At least this gives me a warning, so I can leave the area quickly, before the stupidity actually goes from being just a thought to an actual verbal question. For that, I am grateful.

    If this all weren’t bad enough, there is one more thing I have noticed. People don’t actually think you are a real person when you are my height. There have been a few circumstances in my life that have led me to believe that.

    Jon Hlutke


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