“I’m the dummy who robbed you house,can I have my wallet back?”

sparethekittensfromstupidpeople

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) — Losing his wallet was a would-be robber’s mistake. Trying to get it back was an even bigger blunder.

Police in Little Rock, Ark., report 23-year-old Courvoisier Marteze Riley dropped his wallet during an attempted robbery at a home.

While police were interviewing the victim, authorities say Riley called wanting to get his wallet returned. Officers say Riley told the victim to bring the wallet to a service station.

Of course, that’s where officers found the suspect. Police say Riley tried to run, but was caught after a short chase. < source >

Never mind the sad fact that we know his mothers’ alcoholic beverage of choice AND the fact she was stupid enough to name him after it…hell that’s nothing new …Alize anyone? Somebody needs to do a survey or some shit because he HAS to be the dumbest ass in captivity!

Anybody wanna ride with me to Arkansas to give this dumb sumbitch the beating he deserves? A motherfucker that stupid DOES NOT need to be free, just put his dumb ass in a room with crayons and Bet..and give his simpleminded ass all the “red” Kool-aid he can drink. I wish a motherfucker would rob my house,drop his wallet..and have the GIGANTIC balls to call my fuckin house and ask ME? to bring me his shit? Obama could be having a press conference announcing a permanent middle east peace agreement and they would interrupt ole boy just to tell the world what I did to this dumb as dog shit,turd blossom of a mental midget.

The first thing I would do is thank the Lord baby Jesus for the good fortune of allowing me the opportunity and honor to exact vengeance in his name,on this asshole using the divine instrument of my foot. I would whip that niggas ass till my back hurt..the return that shit for brains having son of a bitch his wallet (minus any money he may have had) AND I would have refused to press charges. That ass whipping would definitely be punishment enough…trust me

Hampton University Crowns it’s first “non-Black” as Miss Hampton

cracka ass crackaIn “post racial” America, an America that elected it’s first African American President an HBCU has elected it’s first “non-black” as Miss Hampton. What do the some of the black people on campus do? Go Apeshit …

HAMPTON — Hampton University crowned its first non-black Miss HU Friday, leading to a division on campus that prompted her to write President Barack Obama.

Nikole Churchill, 22, competed against nine black students in the 15th annual Miss HU scholarship pageant. The senior nursing major attends the Virginia Beach campus and is the competition’s first non-black winner, according to executive pageant director Shelia J. Maye.

Churchill, who is from Hawaii, wrote Obama on Sunday to tell him that her crowning was met with negative comments because of her skin color. She invited him to visit HU and speak about racial tolerance.

“I am hoping that perhaps you would be able to make an appearance to my campus, Hampton University, so that my fellow Hamptonians can stop focusing so much on the color of my skin and doubting my abilities to represent,” she wrote, “but rather be proud of the changes our nation is making toward accepting diversity.”

In a local television report, she said her father is from Guam and her mother is Italian.

Her letter was posted Sunday on Congress.org. Churchill did not have HU’s permission to comment Monday, said pageant co-director Mavis Baah.

This year’s pageant included evening gown, swimsuit and talent competitions. Churchill won a $1,500 scholarship, will serve as homecoming queen Oct. 24 and continues on to the 2010 Miss Virginia pageant.

Maye said the Miss HU pageant grew out of the former homecoming queen competition, in which students voted for the winner. Now, the pageant winner is selected by judges and automatically serves as the university’s homecoming queen.

This year’s pageant was judged by five people, including two certified by the Miss Virginia competition, which leads to the Miss America pageant. The other judges were Joan Gentry, an HU counselor for freshman studies; Lorraine Bell, an HU music professor; and Henry Mills, a senior vice president at Old Point National Bank.

Journalism sophomore Juan Diasgranados said the Hampton campus is split on Churchill’s crowning, with everyone from students to faculty and professors weighing in. Some are saying her win is great and embodies HU’s spirit of diversity, he said, while others complain that she’s not black and doesn’t attend the main campus.

“They’re saying that people don’t know who she is, people don’t even see her, so how can she represent us if she’s not even from the main campus?”

The main campus has about 5,700 students while the university’s Virginia Beach campus has about 90 students. { full article here }

Because racial tolerance is good only when black people want to be…tolerated.

All I can say is..That chick on the right is SUPER PISSED and  Nikole may wanna watch her back..that bitch looks vindictive as all hell…Like as they are handing her the trophy she’s wondering if homicide detectives are really as good as they are on TV.

( is it me or does Homegirl kinda look like Bella?) >

Bella

Bernie Madoff kicks a lil ass in prison

penitentiary-movie

Remember “Too Sweet”? ….kick ass in prison right? Now..Remember Bernie Madoff? greedy rich white dude convicted of stealing money from other rich white people.. Don’t you dare confuse the two… That being said….I damn near shit myself laughing when I read this story…..

MADOFF/

Bernie “The Bruiser” Madoff got into a prison-yard tussle with a fellow inmate over — of all things — the stock market, eyewitnesses told The Post.

And, by inmates’ accounts, the 71-year-old Ponzi schemer came out the winner.

Madoff, serving 150 years at the Butner, NC, federal prison, was heard last week getting into a heated debate over the state of the market with another senior-citizen jailbird.

The shouting match got so heated that the inmate pushed Madoff, who shoved back harder with both hands, causing his attacker to stumble.

As the attacker tried to stand up straight, Madoff hovered over him red-faced and glaring, eyewitnesses said.

.The stunned attacker went chicken and took off — allowing Madoff to collect some “cred” among his fellow prisoners.

“I didn’t think Bernie had it in him. He got the best of him; he was really aggressive, and the other guy was in shock that he fought back,” an inmate said.

The shoving match occurred near a ball field at the lockup in front of about 20 inmates during a rare time when prison guards weren’t watching.

An inmate said the two got lucky because if guards had seen the fight, Madoff and his pushing partner “would have went in the ‘hole,’ ” solitary confinement.

The next day, Madoff and his attacker, described by inmates as a white male over 60 years old, made up and were spotted hanging out together.

Prisoners interviewed by The Post said this was the first known physical altercation at the slammer for Madoff — who paid a consultant for a crash course in prison culture and survival tips before he was locked up. <Looks like it worked….

Seriously…I would have paid like $3 to see that shit!  2 old dudes scraping in the motherfuckin jail yard son?!? That is waaaaay beyond classic…thats like 3 miles from legendary!! You know old dude felt a certain type of way about Madofff any way…and he let his emotions act without the benefit of intellect..he wrote some checks that his bad hip couldn’t cash, he bit off more then he could chew (with his dentures)…ok ..I’ll stop.

Splish Splash…You’re going to jail

douchey splash

A motorist filmed deliberately driving through a puddle and splashing children at a bus stop in Devon faces prosecution for inconsiderate driving.

Police received complaints after the 30-second clip, which includes an excited commentary from the passenger, was posted on YouTube.

The clip was shot inside a car being driven down Weston Mill Hill, Plymouth. It has since been removed from YouTube.

Police said the driver had voluntarily contacted them and may be prosecuted.

The Road Traffic Act contains an offence of “careless, and inconsiderate, driving” and, according to Crown Prosecution Service policy, that could include driving through a puddle to splash bystanders. { SOURCE }

Thats pretty fucked up and my first thought (about the driver) when I read this was…..

douchebag

But this is how METRO UK reported it….

A wet, wet, wet summer has spawned a new craze – urban wave dodging.

Forming a huddle round a puddle and enticing drivers to spray them by driving through at speed, youngsters have brought the theme park log flume to their local street.

The water sport is at least taking some of the pain from all this rain for the bored youngsters. And the drivers seem to get some enjoyment out of it too.

One motorist in our pictures can clearly be seen laughing as the water drenches four boys on the A68 in Darlington.

Clearly there are 2 sides to this story and depending on how far the stick is up your ass will determine which of these views you support. Don’t get me wrong I completely overstand the dangers of kids standing on the curb waiting for cars to speed by a puddle. However for those of us who have lived in the inner city…with very little to do,you tend to find things to make the day go by. Considering what kids could be doing,waiting to be splashed by a puddle is pretty much ….tame. Hell..when me and my bredren were younger…we used to put whole raw eggs in our snowballs,and wait at the bus stop and unload on the driver when that poor unsuspecting sonuvabitch opened the door. Illegal?..most likely, Fun?ABSO-fuckin-LUTELY! I mean..we’ve all done some shit when we were younger that wasn’t exactly “safe” and sometimes “responsible” adults took part in our fuckery if for no other reason then to give some adult supervision to our SHITnanigans.(which is probably why I lived to tell about it later) But no grown-ups EVER got arrested.

Woman found “not living” under 8 feet of trash

dirty ass crib

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) <you surprised? – Authorities have found the body of a 71-year-old woman after wading through a Jacksonville, Florida home filled with garbage piled eight feet high.

The Florida Times-Union reports that officers were checking on Carina E. Decampo late Tuesday, after worried family members called to say they hadn’t heard from her in weeks.

They were met with what police called “unbelievable squalor” and a stench that made officers ill.

After trying to search for about 20 minutes, they had to call in help.

The fire department arrived, using breathing gear and search dogs to find Decampo.  No cause of death was immediately released.

Full Story

“No cause of death was immediately released”…shiiiiid I got a pretty good goddamn idea. “squalor”…I blame can’t even blame the old lady,who at 71 years old, I’m sure suffered from dementia.I blame her family for letting her live alone in that mess. They need their ass’ whipped with a bag of dead cats. 8 feet?!? 8 motherfuckin feet of trash and garbage?

*reminds me of the time*… I dated this one chick and she asked me to go to the basement to light her water heater . This trifling slack jawed fuckin troll’s basement was soo dirty she had mushrooms…yes fuckin mushrooms growing out of the collection of clothes and assorted bullshit on the floor.Stanley and I really dodged the bullet on that one…. But um..yeah…these people need their ass beat.

Caption This…..

chunky monkeysBetween the 4 of theses hoes…I challenge you to find me a neck. Seriously tho…the chick on the left look like the rest of these bitches been snacking on her feet.

Dwarf Gets his penis stuck in a vacuum.

freaky dwarf

A British dwarf who was performing at the ‘Edinburgh Festival’ found his penis glued to a vacuum cleaner (dude..the fuck are you doin fucking a vacuum…for any reason) while preparing for a live show. (now I’ve seen some wild shit…hell,I’ve seen and damn near sat through..a real live Donkey Show. Believe me when I tell you that there ain’t shit on this rock we call Earth that could make me spend good weed money..to watch a midget fuck a vacuum.)Daniel Blackner, known as “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf” performed at the Circus of Horrors, known for its oddball and offbeat performances. As part of the show, the dwarf pulls a Henry vacuum cleaner using a special attachment, across the show attached to his penis. ( I dunno if I’m more disturbed by the fact that he’s pulling around a vacuum by his pecker OR the fact that the vacuum is named “Henry”)However, the vacuum cleaner was broken before a performance and performer Blackner placed extra-strong glue on the attachment to fix it, neglecting to wait the entire 20 minutes required for the glue to dry, ( freaky and impatient…clearly not the best of combinations) which resulted in his penis becoming glued to the vacuum cleaner. *ouch!

After being rushed to the A&E department of Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, Blackner was freed after an hour ( I’m certain 45 minutes of that hour was dedicated to laughing their motherfuckin ass off!) and remarked that: “It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E with a vacuum attached to me. I just wished the ground could swallow me up.(careful what you wish for lil homey,I mean you ARE a freakin dwarf..how hard could that be?) Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short lived.” *Giggles*…He said “short” lived. Classic. < FULL ARTICLE >

Caption this….

pudgy pickle huggerIf the smell of dicks and egg fu yung could come to life…this is what it would look like.

Chinese Smurfs…Churfs?

gay ass midgets

Anyone who knows me KNOWS I fuckin looove midgets and dwarfs and lil muhfuggas of every sort. They are indeed gods little punchline…funsized like them lil snickers. snickersOr as my 9 yr old son calls em..”little boy men”.

I sometimes feel sorry for the lil buggers and maybe even a bit guilty…but then they go and do some ole bullshit like this..

Chinese Dwarfs Start Their Own Village

(MYFOX NATIONAL) – A community of dwarfs in China is tired of being discriminated against and is doing something about it.

The Telegraph reports that the people of Kunming, a mountain community in southern China, have set up their own village to escape discrimination from normal sized people.

All of the 120 residents are under 4-feet, 3-inches tall, and they run their own police force and fire department. The group also has turned itself into a tourist attraction by building mushroom houses and living and dressing like fairy tale characters.

chinese smurfs

“As small people we are used to being pushed around and exploited by big people. But here there aren’t any big people and everything we do is for us,” said spokesman Fu Tien. FULL STORY

I change my mind..thats some creepy shit..like part of me wants to be happy for the  pint sized little shits..but then the other half of me wants to run through their little mushroom village like Gargamel ,from the Smurfs gargamelIt’s like Lilliputia in Dreamland all over again. I don’t know about you…but these lil strong looking sons of bitches scare the living shit outta me.. Buff ass midgetsCheck out that lil menacing looking motherfucker with the afro…ANY chinamen with an afro CAN”T BE TRUSTED!! you  knooow he has a knife tucked somewhere probably that afro. Not sure whats going on with that walking conradiction in the back..a fat Chinese midget.FTW. He’s going for the gold,And poor lil shit stacked homey in the back looking sad as shit..like he’s tired of walking around all day being eye level  with assholes and ball sacks.I’m just gonna call dude in the front “photoshopped yo” cuz ain’t know way in hell that big ass head belongs to him.

My Tivo thinks I’m a Homo…

I’ve always fancied myself a pretty overtly hetero dude.That being said I’m also worldly and some would say I have “cultured” tastes. Thats not necessarily a bad thing,unless your Tivo thinks you’re a homo. For those of you unfamiliar with Tivo,allow me to explain: Tivo works like your basic DVR it (temporarily)records shows as you watch them,giving you the option to pause or rewind “live” tv. You also have the option to schedule your Tivo to record shows in the event you aren’t home. What separates Tivo from (let’s say) your cable companies DVR is..when you schedule a recording Tivo intuitively “suggest” other shows around tv world you may also like. Basically judging who you are by what you watch.(scary?)

Ok so check it….One day I realized I wasn’t going to be able to watch Top chef on Bravo because of a prior “ain’t shit” type of engagement. I’m not even really sure what it was i had to do,but it’s none of your business anyway so..fuck it. But anywaaaays..I attempted to set the Tivo up to record TopChef and was met with success. Hoooray for small victories! I went about my merry way oblivious to the scathing character attack that was being perpetrated by the judgmental tyrant that is TIVO. When I got home that morning, I decided to watch the recorded episode of TopChef..and lo’and behold!

gaymovienightlogo

Not only do I see TopChef…but Top Model..and project runway and  some assorted selections from LOGO network. WHo knew pickle smokers and taco ticklers had their own network? I was shocked..no…I was APPALLED!!  It was like my TiVo brain was abducted by this guy:

isaiah-washington-gay <start rant>How dare you judge me TIVO…You’re just a hunk of plastic and circuits (probably assembled by slave labor in India) who do you think you are assuming I like penis?  I’m as MANLY as they come dammit!!  Hell i even named my penis after my favorite brand of power tool STANLEY. I watch football and MMA and for your information pussy means a lot to me.<end rant> So I try to thwart Tivo’s misguided and un-warranted profiling by recording things so hetero my tv smelled like saw dust and old spice. Like “Pinks-all out” which is a show about drag racing, I don’t know what TiVo thought but apparently wanting to watch something entitled “Pinks” did nothing to make me appear less gay. go figure.

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