Archive for September, 2009

Caption this….

pudgy pickle huggerIf the smell of dicks and egg fu yung could come to life…this is what it would look like.

Chinese Smurfs…Churfs?

gay ass midgets

Anyone who knows me KNOWS I fuckin looove midgets and dwarfs and lil muhfuggas of every sort. They are indeed gods little punchline…funsized like them lil snickers. snickersOr as my 9 yr old son calls em..”little boy men”.

I sometimes feel sorry for the lil buggers and maybe even a bit guilty…but then they go and do some ole bullshit like this..

Chinese Dwarfs Start Their Own Village

(MYFOX NATIONAL) – A community of dwarfs in China is tired of being discriminated against and is doing something about it.

The Telegraph reports that the people of Kunming, a mountain community in southern China, have set up their own village to escape discrimination from normal sized people.

All of the 120 residents are under 4-feet, 3-inches tall, and they run their own police force and fire department. The group also has turned itself into a tourist attraction by building mushroom houses and living and dressing like fairy tale characters.

chinese smurfs

“As small people we are used to being pushed around and exploited by big people. But here there aren’t any big people and everything we do is for us,” said spokesman Fu Tien. FULL STORY

I change my mind..thats some creepy shit..like part of me wants to be happy for the  pint sized little shits..but then the other half of me wants to run through their little mushroom village like Gargamel ,from the Smurfs gargamelIt’s like Lilliputia in Dreamland all over again. I don’t know about you…but these lil strong looking sons of bitches scare the living shit outta me.. Buff ass midgetsCheck out that lil menacing looking motherfucker with the afro…ANY chinamen with an afro CAN”T BE TRUSTED!! you  knooow he has a knife tucked somewhere probably that afro. Not sure whats going on with that walking conradiction in the back..a fat Chinese midget.FTW. He’s going for the gold,And poor lil shit stacked homey in the back looking sad as shit..like he’s tired of walking around all day being eye level  with assholes and ball sacks.I’m just gonna call dude in the front “photoshopped yo” cuz ain’t know way in hell that big ass head belongs to him.

My Tivo thinks I’m a Homo…

I’ve always fancied myself a pretty overtly hetero dude.That being said I’m also worldly and some would say I have “cultured” tastes. Thats not necessarily a bad thing,unless your Tivo thinks you’re a homo. For those of you unfamiliar with Tivo,allow me to explain: Tivo works like your basic DVR it (temporarily)records shows as you watch them,giving you the option to pause or rewind “live” tv. You also have the option to schedule your Tivo to record shows in the event you aren’t home. What separates Tivo from (let’s say) your cable companies DVR is..when you schedule a recording Tivo intuitively “suggest” other shows around tv world you may also like. Basically judging who you are by what you watch.(scary?)

Ok so check it….One day I realized I wasn’t going to be able to watch Top chef on Bravo because of a prior “ain’t shit” type of engagement. I’m not even really sure what it was i had to do,but it’s none of your business anyway so..fuck it. But anywaaaays..I attempted to set the Tivo up to record TopChef and was met with success. Hoooray for small victories! I went about my merry way oblivious to the scathing character attack that was being perpetrated by the judgmental tyrant that is TIVO. When I got home that morning, I decided to watch the recorded episode of TopChef..and lo’and behold!

gaymovienightlogo

Not only do I see TopChef…but Top Model..and project runway and  some assorted selections from LOGO network. WHo knew pickle smokers and taco ticklers had their own network? I was shocked..no…I was APPALLED!!  It was like my TiVo brain was abducted by this guy:

isaiah-washington-gay <start rant>How dare you judge me TIVO…You’re just a hunk of plastic and circuits (probably assembled by slave labor in India) who do you think you are assuming I like penis?  I’m as MANLY as they come dammit!!  Hell i even named my penis after my favorite brand of power tool STANLEY. I watch football and MMA and for your information pussy means a lot to me.<end rant> So I try to thwart Tivo’s misguided and un-warranted profiling by recording things so hetero my tv smelled like saw dust and old spice. Like “Pinks-all out” which is a show about drag racing, I don’t know what TiVo thought but apparently wanting to watch something entitled “Pinks” did nothing to make me appear less gay. go figure.

Funniest Fat Boy Freakout EVER!!!!

I Had to stop several times during this video just to keep from shitting myself in hysterics!

“Vera!! Vera!! I love you honey!…but I think I’m having a heart attack”….This guy is fucking hilarious!

We babysit and we fight pits!!!

Would you want this…

dogfight1ANYWHERE near your motherfuckin kids? No? Well lucky for you,your kid doesn’t go to ” Leroy and Faunquisha’s lil nigger Day Care”…..read on

CHICAGO RIDGE, Ill. —  A home day care also was the site of a dogfighting ring, authorities said Wednesday, and investigators who raided the house found a blood-spattered garage floor and battered and malnourished dogs not far from where the children played.

Police said four people were arrested, and felony dogfighting charges are pending against several of them, including the day care operator’s husband. Authorities did not immediately release their names.

Nine battered dogs — four of which were puppies — were rescued, police said.

“The dogs were in horrific condition,” Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart said at the Animal Welfare League in suburban Chicago Ridge, where several of the dogs were undergoing surgery and rehabilitation. “This is as bad as we’ve seen.”

He described a gruesome scene in the day care’s garage, with blood all over. Police also found items such as bite sticks and a treadmill that had been altered to be used specifically to train the dogs. Officers also recovered a 1996 edition of “Sporting Dog Journal.”

Dart said approximately 10 children were found in the day care during the raid Tuesday, but they were not in the immediate vicinity of the dogs. { source}

Sir Ozzy…11 months old.

Sir Ozzy 11 months old. 002SIR OZZY say’s “shit like this,makes dogs like me,wanna eat stupid motherfuckers like you”

*tires screeeeeeeeeeech*

Sooo…Basically these simple minded sons of bitches thought it was a good idea to run a pitbull fighting outfit out of the same place you use as a LICENSED day care center? I know times are hard as shit..and I know ghetto bound darkies are inclined to do some DUMB shit..daily,but seriously..endangering the lives of children? I should fuck you up! Thats the reason my son,no matter how busy I thought I was,NEVER set foot into a daycare center. I’m not with the whole “total stranger watching my kid for money” type shit. Please believe tho…If ANY hapless bastard put my kid in that kind of danger, I would set their fuckin house on fire and punch everybody who ran out..right in the fuckin face.

12 year old boy to get sex change

PD*26689424

Kim Petras (16) worlds youngest Transexual

A BOY aged 12 turned up at school as a GIRL – after changing sex during the summer holidays.

Teachers called an emergency assembly to order fellow pupils to treat him as female.

The lad, whose parents have changed his name to a girl’s by deed poll, arrived in a dress with long hair in ribboned pigtails. He is preparing for sex-swap surgery.

Angry parents told yesterday how their kids were left tearful and confused after school staff announced the boy pupil was now a girl.

They said the head teacher should have informed them in advance of the “sex change” so they could prepare their sons and daughters and inform them about gender issues.

They added that the school’s failure to do so had left the boy to suffer cruel taunts and bullying.<source>

Uh..bullying? u fuckin think? I think the parents are waaay off base here. Fuck the fact that they weren’t told in an adequate amount of time. how about the fact there is something that had to be told to begin with. Why is this little fruit being allowed to come to school as a girl? That’s complete and utter bullshit. Don’t give me that  shit about sexual discrimination either,because this isn’t about his sexual inclinations.It has more to do with the fact that teenagers are fuckin ASSHOLES period. So for Mike to leave school and come back as Michelle is nothing short of an epic distraction. You want your kid to have a fuckin sexual re assignment okey dokey ..but you also have to get your kid home schooled. People who have gone through this say they don’t wanna be singled out. However…you require separate facilities in most cases thus leaving you open TO BE singled out. It has to be mad uncomfortable feeling like you’re a man in a womans body or vice versa, but is it fair to the majority to subject them to an uncomfortable situation? Your kid can smoke all the pickles he wants AT HOME…he wanna dress like little orphan annie..ok..AT HOME..now..once he has his “sex change” then fine..come to school as Michelle..but there is no “half way” house for those who are in the process of sexual reassignment. IMOH those accommodations have to be made by the individual.

Keep f@%$ing that chicken!!

Fox 5 news anchor offers some off the wall dating advice to the weatherman! *watch the look on his co-anchors face!! it’s freakin priceless.

President Obama calls Kanye West a “jackass”

kanye_west1douchebag
TerryMoran: Pres. Obama just called Kanye West a “jackass” for his outburst at VMAs when Taylor Swift won. Now THAT’S presidential.
about 5 hours ago from web · Reply · View Tweet
PWND!
When the POTUS thinks you’re a jackass..it’s time to rethink your decision making paradigm.

Dear Kanye,

So..our The Leader of the free world thinks you’re a fuckin douchebag.. that can’t feel good Ye. Dude..what the fuck were you thinking? Then again you weren’t thinking and therein lies the beginning of your problems. I understand you lost your mother.(that HAS to suck). But to use that as an excuse to act like a total tool on national television is childish at best.America forgave you for your  remarks about President Bush’ treatment of Katrina victims because deep down in side you said what a lot of black people were thinking and feeling. and Hell it may even have been true. This last tirade,I’m afraid people won’t be so forgiving. Or maybe they will. I mean this is the country who embraced R Kelly even after it was obvious he pissed on a 9th grader. Good luck.

Wal-mart fights Syphilis with…sales?

vd

Syphilis just keeps coming back- In Forsyth County, N.C., where the number of cases so far in 2009 — 140 — is more than triple all those reported in 2008, health officials have chosen an unlikely weapon to fight against it: Wal-Mart gift cards.

To tamp down the biggest outbreak the state has seen in years, health workers from that county spent a recent weekend canvassing neighborhoods, asking people to get tested for syphilis and HIV in exchange for a $10 card. <Source>

Problem is…chances are..If you’re in North Carolina…and met a girl in Wal-mart ..she probably has syphilis. ::shrugs::

Too high to drive? ask your 6 yr old…

StonedMonkey
Stoned monkey says “this bitch is making me look bad!”

dumb high hoe

A Coatesville, Pennsylvania mother made her 6-year-old daughter drive a car because “[mom] was sleepy” after smoking “that stinky stuff,” according to police.

The 30-year-old mother was arrested Sunday at about 4:20 p.m. After police saw the child driving a Dodge Durango station wagon at South Fourth Avenue and Walnut Street.

Officer Robert Keetch said he had to do a double take after seeing the little girl driving.

“There were two white knuckles and a little head popping over the steering wheel,” he said.

The woman was sitting in the passenger seat, laughing, when a patrol officer pulled her over, said police.

The mother told the Officer Keetch that she was teaching her daughter how to drive.

“Mom made me drive because she was sleepy,” the girl told police.

Then police say the aunt asked her niece, “Was your mom smoking that stinky stuff again?” The girl replied “yes,” say police.

The woman is being held in Chester County Prison on child endangerment, corruption of a minor and reckless endangerment charges.

She will not be charged with driving under the influence because she was not the person driving the car. <<source>>

Whaaaaaaaat?!?!  So this old leather Jesus sandal faced bitch was smokin that sticky icky and got too high to drive?

I demand a motherfuckin urinalysis !! I’ve been smoking for quite some time and um…yeah I’ve NEVER been so fuckin stoned that I had to ask my kid to drive. That sounds suspiciously like a heroin high.

Why is this smoking ANYTHING in front of her kid?

Why does she look like Beastman from the old he-man cartoons?

More importantly since she really does look like Beastman…why does she EVEN have a kid?

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