Archive for September 28, 2009

My Tivo thinks I’m a Homo…

I’ve always fancied myself a pretty overtly hetero dude.That being said I’m also worldly and some would say I have “cultured” tastes. Thats not necessarily a bad thing,unless your Tivo thinks you’re a homo. For those of you unfamiliar with Tivo,allow me to explain: Tivo works like your basic DVR it (temporarily)records shows as you watch them,giving you the option to pause or rewind “live” tv. You also have the option to schedule your Tivo to record shows in the event you aren’t home. What separates Tivo from (let’s say) your cable companies DVR is..when you schedule a recording Tivo intuitively “suggest” other shows around tv world you may also like. Basically judging who you are by what you watch.(scary?)

Ok so check it….One day I realized I wasn’t going to be able to watch Top chef on Bravo because of a prior “ain’t shit” type of engagement. I’m not even really sure what it was i had to do,but it’s none of your business anyway so..fuck it. But anywaaaays..I attempted to set the Tivo up to record TopChef and was met with success. Hoooray for small victories! I went about my merry way oblivious to the scathing character attack that was being perpetrated by the judgmental tyrant that is TIVO. When I got home that morning, I decided to watch the recorded episode of TopChef..and lo’and behold!

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Not only do I see TopChef…but Top Model..and project runway and  some assorted selections from LOGO network. WHo knew pickle smokers and taco ticklers had their own network? I was shocked..no…I was APPALLED!!  It was like my TiVo brain was abducted by this guy:

isaiah-washington-gay <start rant>How dare you judge me TIVO…You’re just a hunk of plastic and circuits (probably assembled by slave labor in India) who do you think you are assuming I like penis?  I’m as MANLY as they come dammit!!  Hell i even named my penis after my favorite brand of power tool STANLEY. I watch football and MMA and for your information pussy means a lot to me.<end rant> So I try to thwart Tivo’s misguided and un-warranted profiling by recording things so hetero my tv smelled like saw dust and old spice. Like “Pinks-all out” which is a show about drag racing, I don’t know what TiVo thought but apparently wanting to watch something entitled “Pinks” did nothing to make me appear less gay. go figure.