Not a douche bag? There’s an app for that.

Dear iPhone and Blackberry owners do us a favor and ….

douche bag class picture Sincerely,

The rest of us.

What the fuck is it about in iphone or a blackberry that makes it’s users such fuckin douche bags? I can’t go one day without some ass hat going on and on about his precious iphone or doucheberryHey,Fuckhead…it’s a phone. Some of you who own one (God forbid both) of these phones may be saying to yourself  “hey I have a _______ but I’m not a douche bag” Trust me my vinegar and watery friend,you’re a fucking douche bag. For example; If you’ve ever referred to your phone as anything other then a phone ie; “ I left my iphone/blackberry in the house” ..Bitch!…it’s a phone..and you’re a douche. Ask an iphone owner why they have an iphone and most will say ..”dude,look at all the apps”…fuck your apps..how many grown ass men you know walk around making their cellphone make fart noises? me either..but there’s an app for that. Ever felt the need to just zip and unzip shit like some fuckin idiot with OCD? Most normal people don’t..but guess what ?  There’s an app for that. The thing I hate about thses phone is their “cultish” following…like each Blackberry or iphone comes with a purple pack of cyanide laced Kool-aid. “Apple products are sooo reliable” they say. Really? Reliable you say? Like that 45 min battery life? yeah that’s some reliable shit. Or reliability like… that motherfucker blowing up on you when you charge it? The only thing you can rely on is…a house fire,and you becoming a douche bag. There are more then ten pages of “iphone fix” topics on Google..That’s pretty reliable. And..does someone wanna explain to me why the user agreement for the iphone is 156 pages long? has anyone ever read the whole thing? probably not because I’m sure somewhere in there it states by using said device you sell your soul to Steve jobs and you relinquish your right to NOT be a douche.

Iphone accesories

Iphone accesories

What I absolutely hate about Blackberry is the sheer unnecessary complexity of it all. Most Blackberry owners use their phones for 2 things…Phone calls and BBM (Blackberry Mobile) BBM by the way is about as douche as you can get as far as phones are concerned…you really need your own special messenging service through a Blackberry server? Didn’t think so…fuck you . I hope you lose your phone…I mean Blackberry. With that being said…I leave you with this Gem… Douche Bags.

23 Comments »

  1. carmool Said:

    damn Im hella juiced i don’t own either one of those joints

  2. Wilfredo Said:

    I can tell that you needed to let that out, Min. Thank goodness that very few folks have that over here. My phone doesn’t even have a camera. It’s just a phone, and it doesn’t even ring very much; but that’s because I’m not popular.

    • minista Said:

      Sure you’re popular Wil…just “internationally”. But yeah i’ve been writing this in my head for almost a year now..Glad to finally get it out.

  3. I love my “phones” aka doucheberries peggy and paulene..I named them… The blog is hot though so funny xoxox

    • minista Said:

      I forgot to add…”If you name your Blackberry…your definately a douche”. I love u tho.

  4. Amber Said:

    lol @ vinegar and watery friend… Those cell phone owners do act like they are elite..

  5. london Said:

    i was going to add that those who name their phones are uber douches but one came out the woodwork…. boasting about it like it’s normal behaviour..
    *rolls eyes to heaven*
    & those people also spend 3 weeks learning how to set up and use their phones… and proceed to tell you about each step… oh i did this today.. wtf? can you make a call yet???
    *withering look*
    i bet the user agreement for a jumbo jet does not run to 150 odd pages… the sheer lunacy…

    am so glad you posted this… has made my morning…

  6. Kya Said:

    Thank you for this intervention my resistance was wearing thin. My contract is up in January and folks keep trying to push the Blackberry on me. I’m like Bish, do I look like somebody who’s going to rush out and get something ya’ll refer to as CRACKberry? Douches indeed 😦

  7. mspuddin Said:

    Ok this only applies to iphone users, because I own a blackberry, thank you very much!! *humph* The only reason yall hatin is because you don’t have either of the two. Damn cry babies. If you would have seen my first phone when I was in high school, and the fact that my mom refused to buy me a pager when it was cool, you would cut me some slack…and I don’t really use my BBM…

    • Wilfredo Said:

      Boo-hoo.

  8. mspuddin Said:

    *storms out*

  9. hello_kitty_slut Said:

    Ok so I guess Im an emema….

    Not only do I have a iPhone I am also a mac…….

    I name all MY and my friends apple products……

    My Macbook Pro….its name is Banana

    My iPod…its name is Orange…and its a green iPod

    My iPhone…..its name is Mango

    I have also named all my friends apple products fruit names. I talk about them all as if their people. Does this make me a douchebag…… no more than me wanting to piss in my ex’s mouth just on some sex shit …….but thats just how I am!!!

    I love the blog…I actually sent my mom the link. She will appreciate it as much as I did (shes a blackberry). Keep up the good work!!!!!

    • minista Said:

      *blink*…uh…*snickers* alrighty then!…Thanks for stopping by cupcake…don’t be a stranger….Oh…and yes…that does make you a douchebag. Still luv ya tho.

  10. machink Said:

    *dies*

    this is perfect.

    they feel like they’re in some kind of exclusive club. its pretty funny actually. fucked up priority havin asses. I don’t need my phone to make me sing like t pain or make sounds like Im having light saber fight. I actually have pro tools with autotune, and a light saber.

    😛

    • minista Said:

      Why does you having a lightsaber not surprise me …at all? @ Machink

  11. Bella Said:

    when it was time to renew my contract i wanted a blackberry, but i went n played around with one in the verizon store n was like *eh* so i got this Dare instead and i loooovvveee it! alot of people get those phones just cuz its the thing to do. cant speak for ALL … but MOST do.

  12. Meme Said:

    Yeah I’m with Bella I had an blackberry but too many issues

  13. :0(

    I love my Blackberry. I don’t think I’m elite. My life is too sad and pitiful for that. I’m not douchey because of my phone. Just for GP. Life’s better that way.

    I can’t give you some in-depth reason why I chose my Berry. My Sidekick kept fuckin up and T-Mobile doesn’t have a great selection of phones. I could afford it at the time so why not? I don’t like flip phones cuz I have an acute fear that I’ll leave it sitting open and I’ll sit on it and break it.

    All iPhone users I know do think they’re better than people tho. I do a lil jig everytime someone tells me they dropped theirs and had to buy a new one cuz they didn’t have insurance. Fucktard.

  14. RAEthoven Said:

    i only got the iphone cuz i couldnt afford anything else until my contract is up. and ion even like this thang much hmph *poots in your next tequila shot*

  15. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Stoney Jonez. Stoney Jonez said: RT @jennpoop: Not a douche? There's an app for that http://bit.ly/dOBkU1 #blackberry #iphone […]


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