Archive for funny as hell

The craftiest smuggler alive…NOT!

‘Butt Drag’ leads to sexual assault charges o_O

To be honest I always thought Greco Roman wrestling was a bit gay suspect. This does NOTHING to improve its image in my eyes…..

BUTT DRAG- LEGITIMATE WRESTLING MOVE? OR SEXUAL ASSAULT?

This looks a lot like fisting...

This shit leaves me with more questions then answers…like…way more. For instance did he have to pay extra to get fisted? So what happens after you dig your hand all in that mans ass?.. do you have to finish the match with the “dookie tips”? You know something went horribly wrong in a wrestling match when its over Elliot Stabler is standing there with rubber gloves and a rape kit.So you won the trophy and 3-5 at sing sing because you thought diggin in somebodies ass was a good idea. I don’t know whats worse… The fact that this is a legitimate wrestling move OR the fact that somebody is willing to risk contracting typhoid or E.Coli for the sake of winning a wrestling match. SOMEBODY’S priorities are fuuuuugged up.Where do you go from here now that you’ve been branded a fist fucking wrestling rapist? (try saying that 5 times fast) I guess you could always become a hand model on QVC or it seems you’re qualified to be Host on the FOX network.

wtf is going on in Utah?!?!

Sylvina "i'm crazier then cat shit" Beasley

A naked woman in Utah stole a car, crashed it, and hid in a bush before stealing a police car. And that’s not even the whole story.

It’s kind of a long tale, so bear with me. A guy is standing outside his car in West Valley, Utah, putting up roadside signs at around five in the morning on Tuesday. A woman pulls up next to him, and jumps out of her car. She is naked. She hops into his car and drives off. So, obviously, he gets into her car and gives chase, calling the police. She misses a turn at some point, and crashes on some property owned by a company called Alliant Technologies. MORE… source; Gawker

Sooooo Let me get this straight…This crazy bird hopped out of a perfectly operational vehicle nekkid as a new born…hopped into another dickheads car (who was posting roadside signs @ 5am in the morning) This dizzy bird then proceeds to crash …Hide…maintian her nekkidness…steal a police car…launch that sumbitch 50feet into the air…climb a barbed wire fence(naked) ouch* only to be arrested? I call BULLSHIT!..I think the fact that she accomplished all these things while being naked AND NOT sprain her pussy or at the very least perforated her uterus with barbed wire,should immediately net her a “get out of jail” free card. All that aside tho…I got some motherfuckin questions..

A) why was this jerkoff putting up road signs at that unGodly Hour..I think he kinda deserved to have his car stolen for being such a douche.

B)what combination of drugs were this bitch on? no..like seriously I wanna know because that shit must have been AWESOME…

C) what possessed her nutty ass to jump out of a car that was obviously running and steal Mr.Douchebags car. Maybe she was running out of gas? Maybe he had a newer model? OR maybe this bitch is just crazy as SHIT.

D) how they let that bitch slip through their fingers? Ok..she was nekkid…and maybe a lil bloody and may carrying AIDS  some blood born pathogen…who the fuck knows..come to think of it .I wouldn’t have grabbed her nekkid bloody ass either.

E) why they aint been taze that bitch? probably because she was white  they thought it would end quickly. They forgot that bitch was crazy.

F) Finally…Did her nipplers get hard when they tazed her and shit?

Husband signs a “You Can whip my ass” contract with his wife

original article in >> Telegraph U.K. <<  …My commentary is written in  BOLD ITALICS

"It smells like egg foo yung in this suit"

The 32-year-old man, who was named by the Chongqing Evening News as Mr Zhang, took the unusual step after suffering intense abuse from his wife, who studies kung fu. < see..his first mistake was marrying some ole Kill Bill ass bitch.


"Me fuck you up looong time"

“I don’t want to beat him, but arguments are inevitable and I can’t help myself,” his wife told the newspaper. She added that in the week before they signed the deal, she had beaten him up three times.

Rule #1 Never marry a chick that can kick your ass. Haven’t  you bootlegged seen NORBIT fool?

Mr Zhang said his wife, who is a sales manager at a trading company, had studied kung fu since her childhood and that he was attracted to her “strong and independent temperament”.

" I will whip yo lil ching chong ass"

Yeah?…Rasputia had a strong ass temperament too. I bet you didn’t know that temperament came with a strong ass butterfly kick

He also admitted that he had suffered at her hands throughout their six-month courtship. “Before we got married, she had a wild hairstyle and I teased that it made her look like a tigress. #Rule 2 NEVER EVER EVER be fool enough to criticize a woman’s hair. You kinda needed your ass whipped for that one.During the argument that followed, I said some bad words and I got a taste of her kung fu for the first time.” <aaaand probably a taste of you own blood.>

He said that he had tried to bite his lip in order to avoid being punished, but that he “never wants to lose an argument” and so always ends up with “bruises and scars all over”. < see theeere’s ya problem dumb ass. Men..just like women…need to know when to shut the fuck up.

In order to curb his wife’s aggression, Mr Zhang proposed signing a contract in front of his in-laws. If his wife breaches the contract, she has to return to her parents’ home for three days. “She is very obedient to her parents, and her parents will support me and blame her,” he said. “Bitch…hit me again and I’mma tell yo momma?” Dude ur shittin me right? You’re such a loose spined pussy that you actually had a contract drawn up to keep your wife off your ass? Couldn’t just fight back huh? or even better…leave?  What a jackass.

His wife said that she always feels regret when she sees her husband with a black eye. “Now that we have a contract, I will force myself to drop the use of force,” she said. <This broad really needs some fucking anger management.

Mr Zhang’s parents told the newspaper that although they felt bad that their son was regularly attacked, the couple were a good match. “They have a good marriage, so we can say nothing about it,” said his father. < That’s because she probably whipped yall ass’ too. They sound a lil traumatized to me.

I mean damn…we’ve all done some silly shit in the name of love…but contractual ass whippings? I’d rather spend my days reading People magazine to a room full of cats.

Thats just Wrong…funny…but wrong

How do I know you’re an overly emotional douchebag?… because you do shit like this…

Comcast subscribers were in a for a pleasant (?) surprise when tuning into “Rock of Love” recently. An apparently bitter employee used the program’s info as an outlet for his built-up resentment toward an ex-girlfriend. (HuffPo)


Tell em why you mad son!!!….  Really dude? Is it that serious? I guess it is. Now wouldn’t it suck all ass if this bitch subscribes to Dish Network?

Katt Williams 911 call…

Smiling like he just fucked a 17 yr old boy!

Sooo…we’ve heard the recent stories of you man Katt Williams being arrested for burglary n shit. Well…as it turns out ,He is in fact innocent of burglary, HOWEVER he may be guilty of a rump raid on a 17 yr old pickle smoker.

Check out the 911 call and decide for yourself.

Seriously tho…after hearing that hilarious shit… it makes this hilarious shit make much more sense…

I am a Boy Damon!!..or am I?

Mini Katt Williams

But seriously tho…Katt…What the fuck is wrong with you dude?  I mean..I always suspected you were an undercover pickle smoker…but to be flying out lil underage boys for you own sordid pleasure? WTF?!? I bet he had that house he was leasing smelling like stale perm and fresh asshole.

Remember this shit…?

Po lil pimp pimp….

 

No Masks? No Brains? No problem.

Even idiots think these guys are idiots.

How do you spell dumb?

With a permanent black marker, according to the police chief of a small Iowa town where two men allegedly used a marker — instead of a mask or stocking — to disguise their faces before trying to break into a home.

“They were being dumb and, combine that with alcohol, and it was the perfect storm,” Carroll Police Chief Jeff Cayler told CNN.

His officers were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the suspects’ vehicle.

Inside, they found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller had described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment last Friday night before driving off.

Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint after officers were told they might be armed. Neither man had a weapon. McNelly and Miller were each charged with attempted second-degree burglary. Both men were released after posting bond.

“We’re very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away,” Cayler joked. “I have to assume the officers were kind of laughing at the time. I’ve never heard of coloring your face with a permanent marker.”

Cayler said police believe one of the alleged burglars targeted the home because he suspected his girlfriend had a relationship with the man who lived there.

“They probably were just not thinking straight and figured we’ll go out and scare the guy or whatever,” Cayler said.

“I’ve been chief here almost 25 years, been with the department 28½ years and I’ve seen a lot of things that make me laugh and weird things but this was probably the best combination of the two — strangely weird and hilariously funny all at the same time.” :::: source ::::

wait for it…waaaiiit fooor iiit…..BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! nigga what? Now I’ve seen some dumb ass shit in my day lemme tell you…but two motherfuckers and btween the 2 NOBODY had the brains to be like “ya know somethin Joey ,maybe this isn’t the best idea we’ve had” permanent marker? marker? really dog? c’mon dog! I wish the fuck I would catch 2 white boys breakin in my shit lookin like Nipsy Russel n shit.I swear for God I’m making that blackface …blacknblueface. When you’re this stupid…Jail is probably the safest place for you.

“I’m the dummy who robbed you house,can I have my wallet back?”

sparethekittensfromstupidpeople

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) — Losing his wallet was a would-be robber’s mistake. Trying to get it back was an even bigger blunder.

Police in Little Rock, Ark., report 23-year-old Courvoisier Marteze Riley dropped his wallet during an attempted robbery at a home.

While police were interviewing the victim, authorities say Riley called wanting to get his wallet returned. Officers say Riley told the victim to bring the wallet to a service station.

Of course, that’s where officers found the suspect. Police say Riley tried to run, but was caught after a short chase. < source >

Never mind the sad fact that we know his mothers’ alcoholic beverage of choice AND the fact she was stupid enough to name him after it…hell that’s nothing new …Alize anyone? Somebody needs to do a survey or some shit because he HAS to be the dumbest ass in captivity!

Anybody wanna ride with me to Arkansas to give this dumb sumbitch the beating he deserves? A motherfucker that stupid DOES NOT need to be free, just put his dumb ass in a room with crayons and Bet..and give his simpleminded ass all the “red” Kool-aid he can drink. I wish a motherfucker would rob my house,drop his wallet..and have the GIGANTIC balls to call my fuckin house and ask ME? to bring me his shit? Obama could be having a press conference announcing a permanent middle east peace agreement and they would interrupt ole boy just to tell the world what I did to this dumb as dog shit,turd blossom of a mental midget.

The first thing I would do is thank the Lord baby Jesus for the good fortune of allowing me the opportunity and honor to exact vengeance in his name,on this asshole using the divine instrument of my foot. I would whip that niggas ass till my back hurt..the return that shit for brains having son of a bitch his wallet (minus any money he may have had) AND I would have refused to press charges. That ass whipping would definitely be punishment enough…trust me

Bernie Madoff kicks a lil ass in prison

penitentiary-movie

Remember “Too Sweet”? ….kick ass in prison right? Now..Remember Bernie Madoff? greedy rich white dude convicted of stealing money from other rich white people.. Don’t you dare confuse the two… That being said….I damn near shit myself laughing when I read this story…..

MADOFF/

Bernie “The Bruiser” Madoff got into a prison-yard tussle with a fellow inmate over — of all things — the stock market, eyewitnesses told The Post.

And, by inmates’ accounts, the 71-year-old Ponzi schemer came out the winner.

Madoff, serving 150 years at the Butner, NC, federal prison, was heard last week getting into a heated debate over the state of the market with another senior-citizen jailbird.

The shouting match got so heated that the inmate pushed Madoff, who shoved back harder with both hands, causing his attacker to stumble.

As the attacker tried to stand up straight, Madoff hovered over him red-faced and glaring, eyewitnesses said.

.The stunned attacker went chicken and took off — allowing Madoff to collect some “cred” among his fellow prisoners.

“I didn’t think Bernie had it in him. He got the best of him; he was really aggressive, and the other guy was in shock that he fought back,” an inmate said.

The shoving match occurred near a ball field at the lockup in front of about 20 inmates during a rare time when prison guards weren’t watching.

An inmate said the two got lucky because if guards had seen the fight, Madoff and his pushing partner “would have went in the ‘hole,’ ” solitary confinement.

The next day, Madoff and his attacker, described by inmates as a white male over 60 years old, made up and were spotted hanging out together.

Prisoners interviewed by The Post said this was the first known physical altercation at the slammer for Madoff — who paid a consultant for a crash course in prison culture and survival tips before he was locked up. <Looks like it worked….

Seriously…I would have paid like $3 to see that shit!  2 old dudes scraping in the motherfuckin jail yard son?!? That is waaaaay beyond classic…thats like 3 miles from legendary!! You know old dude felt a certain type of way about Madofff any way…and he let his emotions act without the benefit of intellect..he wrote some checks that his bad hip couldn’t cash, he bit off more then he could chew (with his dentures)…ok ..I’ll stop.

Splish Splash…You’re going to jail

douchey splash

A motorist filmed deliberately driving through a puddle and splashing children at a bus stop in Devon faces prosecution for inconsiderate driving.

Police received complaints after the 30-second clip, which includes an excited commentary from the passenger, was posted on YouTube.

The clip was shot inside a car being driven down Weston Mill Hill, Plymouth. It has since been removed from YouTube.

Police said the driver had voluntarily contacted them and may be prosecuted.

The Road Traffic Act contains an offence of “careless, and inconsiderate, driving” and, according to Crown Prosecution Service policy, that could include driving through a puddle to splash bystanders. { SOURCE }

Thats pretty fucked up and my first thought (about the driver) when I read this was…..

douchebag

But this is how METRO UK reported it….

A wet, wet, wet summer has spawned a new craze – urban wave dodging.

Forming a huddle round a puddle and enticing drivers to spray them by driving through at speed, youngsters have brought the theme park log flume to their local street.

The water sport is at least taking some of the pain from all this rain for the bored youngsters. And the drivers seem to get some enjoyment out of it too.

One motorist in our pictures can clearly be seen laughing as the water drenches four boys on the A68 in Darlington.

Clearly there are 2 sides to this story and depending on how far the stick is up your ass will determine which of these views you support. Don’t get me wrong I completely overstand the dangers of kids standing on the curb waiting for cars to speed by a puddle. However for those of us who have lived in the inner city…with very little to do,you tend to find things to make the day go by. Considering what kids could be doing,waiting to be splashed by a puddle is pretty much ….tame. Hell..when me and my bredren were younger…we used to put whole raw eggs in our snowballs,and wait at the bus stop and unload on the driver when that poor unsuspecting sonuvabitch opened the door. Illegal?..most likely, Fun?ABSO-fuckin-LUTELY! I mean..we’ve all done some shit when we were younger that wasn’t exactly “safe” and sometimes “responsible” adults took part in our fuckery if for no other reason then to give some adult supervision to our SHITnanigans.(which is probably why I lived to tell about it later) But no grown-ups EVER got arrested.

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