Archive for short people

Husband signs a “You Can whip my ass” contract with his wife

original article in >> Telegraph U.K. <<  …My commentary is written in  BOLD ITALICS

"It smells like egg foo yung in this suit"

The 32-year-old man, who was named by the Chongqing Evening News as Mr Zhang, took the unusual step after suffering intense abuse from his wife, who studies kung fu. < see..his first mistake was marrying some ole Kill Bill ass bitch.


"Me fuck you up looong time"

“I don’t want to beat him, but arguments are inevitable and I can’t help myself,” his wife told the newspaper. She added that in the week before they signed the deal, she had beaten him up three times.

Rule #1 Never marry a chick that can kick your ass. Haven’t  you bootlegged seen NORBIT fool?

Mr Zhang said his wife, who is a sales manager at a trading company, had studied kung fu since her childhood and that he was attracted to her “strong and independent temperament”.

" I will whip yo lil ching chong ass"

Yeah?…Rasputia had a strong ass temperament too. I bet you didn’t know that temperament came with a strong ass butterfly kick

He also admitted that he had suffered at her hands throughout their six-month courtship. “Before we got married, she had a wild hairstyle and I teased that it made her look like a tigress. #Rule 2 NEVER EVER EVER be fool enough to criticize a woman’s hair. You kinda needed your ass whipped for that one.During the argument that followed, I said some bad words and I got a taste of her kung fu for the first time.” <aaaand probably a taste of you own blood.>

He said that he had tried to bite his lip in order to avoid being punished, but that he “never wants to lose an argument” and so always ends up with “bruises and scars all over”. < see theeere’s ya problem dumb ass. Men..just like women…need to know when to shut the fuck up.

In order to curb his wife’s aggression, Mr Zhang proposed signing a contract in front of his in-laws. If his wife breaches the contract, she has to return to her parents’ home for three days. “She is very obedient to her parents, and her parents will support me and blame her,” he said. “Bitch…hit me again and I’mma tell yo momma?” Dude ur shittin me right? You’re such a loose spined pussy that you actually had a contract drawn up to keep your wife off your ass? Couldn’t just fight back huh? or even better…leave?  What a jackass.

His wife said that she always feels regret when she sees her husband with a black eye. “Now that we have a contract, I will force myself to drop the use of force,” she said. <This broad really needs some fucking anger management.

Mr Zhang’s parents told the newspaper that although they felt bad that their son was regularly attacked, the couple were a good match. “They have a good marriage, so we can say nothing about it,” said his father. < That’s because she probably whipped yall ass’ too. They sound a lil traumatized to me.

I mean damn…we’ve all done some silly shit in the name of love…but contractual ass whippings? I’d rather spend my days reading People magazine to a room full of cats.

Katt Williams 911 call…

Smiling like he just fucked a 17 yr old boy!

Sooo…we’ve heard the recent stories of you man Katt Williams being arrested for burglary n shit. Well…as it turns out ,He is in fact innocent of burglary, HOWEVER he may be guilty of a rump raid on a 17 yr old pickle smoker.

Check out the 911 call and decide for yourself.

Seriously tho…after hearing that hilarious shit… it makes this hilarious shit make much more sense…

I am a Boy Damon!!..or am I?

Mini Katt Williams

But seriously tho…Katt…What the fuck is wrong with you dude?  I mean..I always suspected you were an undercover pickle smoker…but to be flying out lil underage boys for you own sordid pleasure? WTF?!? I bet he had that house he was leasing smelling like stale perm and fresh asshole.

Remember this shit…?

Po lil pimp pimp….

 

Dwarf Gets his penis stuck in a vacuum.

freaky dwarf

A British dwarf who was performing at the ‘Edinburgh Festival’ found his penis glued to a vacuum cleaner (dude..the fuck are you doin fucking a vacuum…for any reason) while preparing for a live show. (now I’ve seen some wild shit…hell,I’ve seen and damn near sat through..a real live Donkey Show. Believe me when I tell you that there ain’t shit on this rock we call Earth that could make me spend good weed money..to watch a midget fuck a vacuum.)Daniel Blackner, known as “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf” performed at the Circus of Horrors, known for its oddball and offbeat performances. As part of the show, the dwarf pulls a Henry vacuum cleaner using a special attachment, across the show attached to his penis. ( I dunno if I’m more disturbed by the fact that he’s pulling around a vacuum by his pecker OR the fact that the vacuum is named “Henry”)However, the vacuum cleaner was broken before a performance and performer Blackner placed extra-strong glue on the attachment to fix it, neglecting to wait the entire 20 minutes required for the glue to dry, ( freaky and impatient…clearly not the best of combinations) which resulted in his penis becoming glued to the vacuum cleaner. *ouch!

After being rushed to the A&E department of Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, Blackner was freed after an hour ( I’m certain 45 minutes of that hour was dedicated to laughing their motherfuckin ass off!) and remarked that: “It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E with a vacuum attached to me. I just wished the ground could swallow me up.(careful what you wish for lil homey,I mean you ARE a freakin dwarf..how hard could that be?) Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short lived.” *Giggles*…He said “short” lived. Classic. < FULL ARTICLE >

Chinese Smurfs…Churfs?

gay ass midgets

Anyone who knows me KNOWS I fuckin looove midgets and dwarfs and lil muhfuggas of every sort. They are indeed gods little punchline…funsized like them lil snickers. snickersOr as my 9 yr old son calls em..”little boy men”.

I sometimes feel sorry for the lil buggers and maybe even a bit guilty…but then they go and do some ole bullshit like this..

Chinese Dwarfs Start Their Own Village

(MYFOX NATIONAL) – A community of dwarfs in China is tired of being discriminated against and is doing something about it.

The Telegraph reports that the people of Kunming, a mountain community in southern China, have set up their own village to escape discrimination from normal sized people.

All of the 120 residents are under 4-feet, 3-inches tall, and they run their own police force and fire department. The group also has turned itself into a tourist attraction by building mushroom houses and living and dressing like fairy tale characters.

chinese smurfs

“As small people we are used to being pushed around and exploited by big people. But here there aren’t any big people and everything we do is for us,” said spokesman Fu Tien. FULL STORY

I change my mind..thats some creepy shit..like part of me wants to be happy for the  pint sized little shits..but then the other half of me wants to run through their little mushroom village like Gargamel ,from the Smurfs gargamelIt’s like Lilliputia in Dreamland all over again. I don’t know about you…but these lil strong looking sons of bitches scare the living shit outta me.. Buff ass midgetsCheck out that lil menacing looking motherfucker with the afro…ANY chinamen with an afro CAN”T BE TRUSTED!! you  knooow he has a knife tucked somewhere probably that afro. Not sure whats going on with that walking conradiction in the back..a fat Chinese midget.FTW. He’s going for the gold,And poor lil shit stacked homey in the back looking sad as shit..like he’s tired of walking around all day being eye level  with assholes and ball sacks.I’m just gonna call dude in the front “photoshopped yo” cuz ain’t know way in hell that big ass head belongs to him.

MIDGETS FOR HIRE!!

Are you a MIDGET,DWARF,or just an abnormally short fucker? If so I have a unique job opportunity for you. We here @ THE MADHOUSE are sensitive to the hardships of being vertically challenged. We have assembled some of the best fourth rate specialists we could find to form a think tank,to decide how better to serve our citizens of less then normal stature.After minutes of deep deliberation we have decided the service industry would be best suited for our”smallest of Americans”.

Specifically in the area’s of food service i;e Gala’s,Fundraisers and private events,And the medical field.Because of your height you are perfectly suited to wear one of our newly designed snack and condiment hats. Designed with the service midget in mind ,these hats contain compartments perfect for dispensing peanuts,pretzels,etc. leaving your little pudgy midgets hands free to polish belt buckles or whatever supplemental services u may provide. Maybe even full blown entertainment services for people who are trying to cut down celebrity consumption.

Of course they will always come conveniently packaged.

As a service midget you will be uniquely qualified the the health care industry as a cost efficient and more hygienic replacement for “helper monkeys” commonly used to assist quadriplegics. In addition to those in wheelchairs you can also be of assistance to the blind as “seeing eye” midgets. As a Madhouse helper midget you will be equipped with all the things you need to get the job done.(step ladders,rope,and arm extensions). Put your abnormality to good use besides being an extra in a Hollywood movie staring midgets in monkey suits. VIVE LA MIDGETS…VIVE LOS FUN SIZED HOMBRES.!!!