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Caption this….

pudgy pickle huggerIf the smell of dicks and egg fu yung could come to life…this is what it would look like.

My Tivo thinks I’m a Homo…

I’ve always fancied myself a pretty overtly hetero dude.That being said I’m also worldly and some would say I have “cultured” tastes. Thats not necessarily a bad thing,unless your Tivo thinks you’re a homo. For those of you unfamiliar with Tivo,allow me to explain: Tivo works like your basic DVR it (temporarily)records shows as you watch them,giving you the option to pause or rewind “live” tv. You also have the option to schedule your Tivo to record shows in the event you aren’t home. What separates Tivo from (let’s say) your cable companies DVR is..when you schedule a recording Tivo intuitively “suggest” other shows around tv world you may also like. Basically judging who you are by what you watch.(scary?)

Ok so check it….One day I realized I wasn’t going to be able to watch Top chef on Bravo because of a prior “ain’t shit” type of engagement. I’m not even really sure what it was i had to do,but it’s none of your business anyway so..fuck it. But anywaaaays..I attempted to set the Tivo up to record TopChef and was met with success. Hoooray for small victories! I went about my merry way oblivious to the scathing character attack that was being perpetrated by the judgmental tyrant that is TIVO. When I got home that morning, I decided to watch the recorded episode of TopChef..and lo’and behold!

gaymovienightlogo

Not only do I see TopChef…but Top Model..and project runway and  some assorted selections from LOGO network. WHo knew pickle smokers and taco ticklers had their own network? I was shocked..no…I was APPALLED!!  It was like my TiVo brain was abducted by this guy:

isaiah-washington-gay <start rant>How dare you judge me TIVO…You’re just a hunk of plastic and circuits (probably assembled by slave labor in India) who do you think you are assuming I like penis?  I’m as MANLY as they come dammit!!  Hell i even named my penis after my favorite brand of power tool STANLEY. I watch football and MMA and for your information pussy means a lot to me.<end rant> So I try to thwart Tivo’s misguided and un-warranted profiling by recording things so hetero my tv smelled like saw dust and old spice. Like “Pinks-all out” which is a show about drag racing, I don’t know what TiVo thought but apparently wanting to watch something entitled “Pinks” did nothing to make me appear less gay. go figure.

Funniest Fat Boy Freakout EVER!!!!

I Had to stop several times during this video just to keep from shitting myself in hysterics!

“Vera!! Vera!! I love you honey!…but I think I’m having a heart attack”….This guy is fucking hilarious!

We babysit and we fight pits!!!

Would you want this…

dogfight1ANYWHERE near your motherfuckin kids? No? Well lucky for you,your kid doesn’t go to ” Leroy and Faunquisha’s lil nigger Day Care”…..read on

CHICAGO RIDGE, Ill. —  A home day care also was the site of a dogfighting ring, authorities said Wednesday, and investigators who raided the house found a blood-spattered garage floor and battered and malnourished dogs not far from where the children played.

Police said four people were arrested, and felony dogfighting charges are pending against several of them, including the day care operator’s husband. Authorities did not immediately release their names.

Nine battered dogs — four of which were puppies — were rescued, police said.

“The dogs were in horrific condition,” Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart said at the Animal Welfare League in suburban Chicago Ridge, where several of the dogs were undergoing surgery and rehabilitation. “This is as bad as we’ve seen.”

He described a gruesome scene in the day care’s garage, with blood all over. Police also found items such as bite sticks and a treadmill that had been altered to be used specifically to train the dogs. Officers also recovered a 1996 edition of “Sporting Dog Journal.”

Dart said approximately 10 children were found in the day care during the raid Tuesday, but they were not in the immediate vicinity of the dogs. { source}

Sir Ozzy…11 months old.

Sir Ozzy 11 months old. 002SIR OZZY say’s “shit like this,makes dogs like me,wanna eat stupid motherfuckers like you”

*tires screeeeeeeeeeech*

Sooo…Basically these simple minded sons of bitches thought it was a good idea to run a pitbull fighting outfit out of the same place you use as a LICENSED day care center? I know times are hard as shit..and I know ghetto bound darkies are inclined to do some DUMB shit..daily,but seriously..endangering the lives of children? I should fuck you up! Thats the reason my son,no matter how busy I thought I was,NEVER set foot into a daycare center. I’m not with the whole “total stranger watching my kid for money” type shit. Please believe tho…If ANY hapless bastard put my kid in that kind of danger, I would set their fuckin house on fire and punch everybody who ran out..right in the fuckin face.

Too high to drive? ask your 6 yr old…

StonedMonkey
Stoned monkey says “this bitch is making me look bad!”

dumb high hoe

A Coatesville, Pennsylvania mother made her 6-year-old daughter drive a car because “[mom] was sleepy” after smoking “that stinky stuff,” according to police.

The 30-year-old mother was arrested Sunday at about 4:20 p.m. After police saw the child driving a Dodge Durango station wagon at South Fourth Avenue and Walnut Street.

Officer Robert Keetch said he had to do a double take after seeing the little girl driving.

“There were two white knuckles and a little head popping over the steering wheel,” he said.

The woman was sitting in the passenger seat, laughing, when a patrol officer pulled her over, said police.

The mother told the Officer Keetch that she was teaching her daughter how to drive.

“Mom made me drive because she was sleepy,” the girl told police.

Then police say the aunt asked her niece, “Was your mom smoking that stinky stuff again?” The girl replied “yes,” say police.

The woman is being held in Chester County Prison on child endangerment, corruption of a minor and reckless endangerment charges.

She will not be charged with driving under the influence because she was not the person driving the car. <<source>>

Whaaaaaaaat?!?!  So this old leather Jesus sandal faced bitch was smokin that sticky icky and got too high to drive?

I demand a motherfuckin urinalysis !! I’ve been smoking for quite some time and um…yeah I’ve NEVER been so fuckin stoned that I had to ask my kid to drive. That sounds suspiciously like a heroin high.

Why is this smoking ANYTHING in front of her kid?

Why does she look like Beastman from the old he-man cartoons?

More importantly since she really does look like Beastman…why does she EVEN have a kid?

Tila Tequila..Jealous nutbag?

tequila and merriman
Now playing: Buckcherry – Crazy Bitch
via FoxyTunes

1954-crimesuspenstories23

Report: Jealousy led to incident at Merriman’s house

Posted by Mike Florio on September 9, 2009 10:00 PM ET

Finally, facts are emerging regarding the incident that resulted in allegations that Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman battered and falsely imprisoned Tila Tequila Nguyen.

And we kind of wish they hadn’t.

According to Juliette Vara of 10News.com in San Diego, Nguyen wasn’t happy that Merriman was paying too much attention to other women at his home.

Per the report, Merriman went to his bedroom with two women.  Nguyen then entered the room, and Merriman asked her to join them.  She reacted angrily, threatening to have sex with a member of Merriman’s entourage.

Instead, she took off all her clothes and tried to leave the house.  Merriman then prevented her from leaving…. FULL ARTICLE

OK..first off let me say..I’m moving to Shawne Merriman’s neighborhood! If your girl is that jealous and impulsive that she would just sleep with any random dude…then get ass nekkid and go running around the neighborhood like some oversexed geisha doll..I’m living in the wrong neighborhood.

Whats worse..it’s quite possible that she made this all up and risked pissing someone else’ career down the drain. Why because for the most part HER career is pissed down the drain.

Now i’m sure there will be people out there who say that Merriman was wrong for inviting her into the bed with 2 other women..but I say to those people…wouldn’t it have been selfish of him NOT to invite her? I mean that is his boo. right?

Auto -Tune the news @ 8 with T-pain

OK…this has to be the most creative not to mention hysterical uses of the dreaded *auto-tune… Tell me whatcha think..


It’s a great day to whup somebodies ass!!

Hysterical!

The remix..


Dough face…

Let’s play a game called *fill in the blank___________ Face.

dough facePug face.

wet biscuit face.

punched repeatedly in your face.

Monkey Brawl!!

kung fu monkey

This shit right here…is exactly why Niggas ain’t shit,ain’t never gonna be shit,and ain’t never gonna have shit!!

Just look at these simple minded savages fighting in a hospital like some fuckin Vikings and shit. Its like somebody started a mosh pit in the Monkey cage at the zoo. A pure unadulterated example of poverty and ignorance induced niggardom. Peep ole boy in the black and white stripped polo shirt and his ole limp wrist’d ass, just running to and fro punching random chicks n shyt. Somebody needs to tie his pickle hugging ass to a lamp post and beat him with a sock full of quarters and broken glass. You got chicken heads gettin tossed around like its dinner time at the Perdue household. Kool-aid man was in a wrestling/hugging/humping match with bruh man from the 5th(hold up 4 fingers) flo. Its just a goddamn mess. Did I mention all this shit took place in a fuckin Hospital? Not that it mattered because above all else,through all that ballin n brawlin…one thing is truly clear..these muhfuckas can’t fight for shit!

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