Posts Tagged ‘female’

Husband signs a “You Can whip my ass” contract with his wife

original article in >> Telegraph U.K. <<  …My commentary is written in  BOLD ITALICS

"It smells like egg foo yung in this suit"

The 32-year-old man, who was named by the Chongqing Evening News as Mr Zhang, took the unusual step after suffering intense abuse from his wife, who studies kung fu. < see..his first mistake was marrying some ole Kill Bill ass bitch.


"Me fuck you up looong time"

“I don’t want to beat him, but arguments are inevitable and I can’t help myself,” his wife told the newspaper. She added that in the week before they signed the deal, she had beaten him up three times.

Rule #1 Never marry a chick that can kick your ass. Haven’t  you bootlegged seen NORBIT fool?

Mr Zhang said his wife, who is a sales manager at a trading company, had studied kung fu since her childhood and that he was attracted to her “strong and independent temperament”.

" I will whip yo lil ching chong ass"

Yeah?…Rasputia had a strong ass temperament too. I bet you didn’t know that temperament came with a strong ass butterfly kick

He also admitted that he had suffered at her hands throughout their six-month courtship. “Before we got married, she had a wild hairstyle and I teased that it made her look like a tigress. #Rule 2 NEVER EVER EVER be fool enough to criticize a woman’s hair. You kinda needed your ass whipped for that one.During the argument that followed, I said some bad words and I got a taste of her kung fu for the first time.” <aaaand probably a taste of you own blood.>

He said that he had tried to bite his lip in order to avoid being punished, but that he “never wants to lose an argument” and so always ends up with “bruises and scars all over”. < see theeere’s ya problem dumb ass. Men..just like women…need to know when to shut the fuck up.

In order to curb his wife’s aggression, Mr Zhang proposed signing a contract in front of his in-laws. If his wife breaches the contract, she has to return to her parents’ home for three days. “She is very obedient to her parents, and her parents will support me and blame her,” he said. “Bitch…hit me again and I’mma tell yo momma?” Dude ur shittin me right? You’re such a loose spined pussy that you actually had a contract drawn up to keep your wife off your ass? Couldn’t just fight back huh? or even better…leave?  What a jackass.

His wife said that she always feels regret when she sees her husband with a black eye. “Now that we have a contract, I will force myself to drop the use of force,” she said. <This broad really needs some fucking anger management.

Mr Zhang’s parents told the newspaper that although they felt bad that their son was regularly attacked, the couple were a good match. “They have a good marriage, so we can say nothing about it,” said his father. < That’s because she probably whipped yall ass’ too. They sound a lil traumatized to me.

I mean damn…we’ve all done some silly shit in the name of love…but contractual ass whippings? I’d rather spend my days reading People magazine to a room full of cats.