Posts Tagged ‘funny because its true’

No Masks? No Brains? No problem.

Even idiots think these guys are idiots.

How do you spell dumb?

With a permanent black marker, according to the police chief of a small Iowa town where two men allegedly used a marker — instead of a mask or stocking — to disguise their faces before trying to break into a home.

“They were being dumb and, combine that with alcohol, and it was the perfect storm,” Carroll Police Chief Jeff Cayler told CNN.

His officers were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the suspects’ vehicle.

Inside, they found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller had described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment last Friday night before driving off.

Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint after officers were told they might be armed. Neither man had a weapon. McNelly and Miller were each charged with attempted second-degree burglary. Both men were released after posting bond.

“We’re very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away,” Cayler joked. “I have to assume the officers were kind of laughing at the time. I’ve never heard of coloring your face with a permanent marker.”

Cayler said police believe one of the alleged burglars targeted the home because he suspected his girlfriend had a relationship with the man who lived there.

“They probably were just not thinking straight and figured we’ll go out and scare the guy or whatever,” Cayler said.

“I’ve been chief here almost 25 years, been with the department 28½ years and I’ve seen a lot of things that make me laugh and weird things but this was probably the best combination of the two — strangely weird and hilariously funny all at the same time.” :::: source ::::

wait for it…waaaiiit fooor iiit…..BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! nigga what? Now I’ve seen some dumb ass shit in my day lemme tell you…but two motherfuckers and btween the 2 NOBODY had the brains to be like “ya know somethin Joey ,maybe this isn’t the best idea we’ve had” permanent marker? marker? really dog? c’mon dog! I wish the fuck I would catch 2 white boys breakin in my shit lookin like Nipsy Russel n shit.I swear for God I’m making that blackface …blacknblueface. When you’re this stupid…Jail is probably the safest place for you.

Big ass bear goes all bear on a mofo….

 Raaawr!!! Ice Skating is for Bitches not Bears!!

Raaawr!!! Ice Skating is for Bitches not Bears!!

An ice-skating bear with a visiting Russian circus turned on its trainers on Wednesday, killing the circus director and seriously wounding another man during a rehearsal in the Central Asian country of Kyrgyzstan.

Gayest bear EVER!

Gayest bear EVER!

Kurmangazy Isanayev, the director of the arena in the Kyrgyz capital of Bishkek, said workers with the visiting Russian troupe managed to drag the two men away from the bear and closed the exits until rescue workers arrived.

Police shot the bear dead, Isanayev said.

The circus’s 25-year-old director, Dmitry Potapov, was reportedly dragged across the ice rink during the rehearsal by the bear before a 29-year-old employee attempted a rescue and was also seriously hurt, according to reports from news agencies RIA Novosti and Agence-France Presse.

The incident was not the first time a visiting Russian bear has been involved in a deadly attack in Kyrgyzstan.

In 2002 a bear on loan to the Bishkek city zoo attacked and killed a small child who had reached out to pet it. The animal’s aggressive behaviour in that incident was blamed on malnourishment.

Bears trained to perform on ice skates have been a staple of Russian circus troupes, with some, in a standard stunt, also equipped with hockey equipment, including helmets and sticks.

::: SOURCE :::

When the fuck are people goin to learn ..WILD ANIMALS DO WILD SHIT!

Like seriously, you force a big ass bear to put on some gay ass ice skates and not expect that bear to “go all bear” on your ass? You deserve everything you get…including getting your ass eaten out by yogi on crystal meth. It’s not like it’s a secret, every year countless people are getting their nipple bitten off by pet ferrets and shit, But you wanna take your chances with a big ass bear? really? Now you know cuz u dead.

Don’t be a PotHead..like this asshole.

You’ve proven yourself to be a true…

NOW…

corner_dumb_ass

LEBANON, Pa. – Police in central Pennsylvania say they’ve nabbed a real pothead. They said an officer spotted 29-year-old Cesar Lopez inside a convenience store with a bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead. Investigators said Lopez was seen peering inside his baseball cap early Saturday morning in Lebanon, about 75 miles northwest of Philadelphia. When Lopez looked up, the officer noticed a small plastic bag appearing to contain marijuana stuck to his forehead.

Police said the officer peeled the bag off Lopez’s forehead and placed him under arrest. He has been charged with drug possession. Police do not know whether Lopez has an attorney.

Authorities say the sweatband of a baseball cap is a frequent hiding place for drugs. < Associated press >

Is Mercury in retrograde or some shit? Fuck is going on with all these dumb as dog shit mofo’s this week? There isn’t a whole lot of commentary I can add to this because at some point it goes beyond funny to …sad. Why? …because chances are..if he hasn’t already, he’s gonna knock up some poor impoverished bird with low self esteem and even lower expectations..AND the LAST thing he needs, is to be responsible for another life.Then again…what are the chances he’s actually the type of cat to actually stuck around to raise his kid.?

“I’m the dummy who robbed you house,can I have my wallet back?”

sparethekittensfromstupidpeople

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) — Losing his wallet was a would-be robber’s mistake. Trying to get it back was an even bigger blunder.

Police in Little Rock, Ark., report 23-year-old Courvoisier Marteze Riley dropped his wallet during an attempted robbery at a home.

While police were interviewing the victim, authorities say Riley called wanting to get his wallet returned. Officers say Riley told the victim to bring the wallet to a service station.

Of course, that’s where officers found the suspect. Police say Riley tried to run, but was caught after a short chase. < source >

Never mind the sad fact that we know his mothers’ alcoholic beverage of choice AND the fact she was stupid enough to name him after it…hell that’s nothing new …Alize anyone? Somebody needs to do a survey or some shit because he HAS to be the dumbest ass in captivity!

Anybody wanna ride with me to Arkansas to give this dumb sumbitch the beating he deserves? A motherfucker that stupid DOES NOT need to be free, just put his dumb ass in a room with crayons and Bet..and give his simpleminded ass all the “red” Kool-aid he can drink. I wish a motherfucker would rob my house,drop his wallet..and have the GIGANTIC balls to call my fuckin house and ask ME? to bring me his shit? Obama could be having a press conference announcing a permanent middle east peace agreement and they would interrupt ole boy just to tell the world what I did to this dumb as dog shit,turd blossom of a mental midget.

The first thing I would do is thank the Lord baby Jesus for the good fortune of allowing me the opportunity and honor to exact vengeance in his name,on this asshole using the divine instrument of my foot. I would whip that niggas ass till my back hurt..the return that shit for brains having son of a bitch his wallet (minus any money he may have had) AND I would have refused to press charges. That ass whipping would definitely be punishment enough…trust me

Keep f@%$ing that chicken!!

Fox 5 news anchor offers some off the wall dating advice to the weatherman! *watch the look on his co-anchors face!! it’s freakin priceless.

President Obama calls Kanye West a “jackass”

kanye_west1douchebag
TerryMoran: Pres. Obama just called Kanye West a “jackass” for his outburst at VMAs when Taylor Swift won. Now THAT’S presidential.
about 5 hours ago from web · Reply · View Tweet
PWND!
When the POTUS thinks you’re a jackass..it’s time to rethink your decision making paradigm.

Dear Kanye,

So..our The Leader of the free world thinks you’re a fuckin douchebag.. that can’t feel good Ye. Dude..what the fuck were you thinking? Then again you weren’t thinking and therein lies the beginning of your problems. I understand you lost your mother.(that HAS to suck). But to use that as an excuse to act like a total tool on national television is childish at best.America forgave you for your  remarks about President Bush’ treatment of Katrina victims because deep down in side you said what a lot of black people were thinking and feeling. and Hell it may even have been true. This last tirade,I’m afraid people won’t be so forgiving. Or maybe they will. I mean this is the country who embraced R Kelly even after it was obvious he pissed on a 9th grader. Good luck.

Too high to drive? ask your 6 yr old…

StonedMonkey
Stoned monkey says “this bitch is making me look bad!”

dumb high hoe

A Coatesville, Pennsylvania mother made her 6-year-old daughter drive a car because “[mom] was sleepy” after smoking “that stinky stuff,” according to police.

The 30-year-old mother was arrested Sunday at about 4:20 p.m. After police saw the child driving a Dodge Durango station wagon at South Fourth Avenue and Walnut Street.

Officer Robert Keetch said he had to do a double take after seeing the little girl driving.

“There were two white knuckles and a little head popping over the steering wheel,” he said.

The woman was sitting in the passenger seat, laughing, when a patrol officer pulled her over, said police.

The mother told the Officer Keetch that she was teaching her daughter how to drive.

“Mom made me drive because she was sleepy,” the girl told police.

Then police say the aunt asked her niece, “Was your mom smoking that stinky stuff again?” The girl replied “yes,” say police.

The woman is being held in Chester County Prison on child endangerment, corruption of a minor and reckless endangerment charges.

She will not be charged with driving under the influence because she was not the person driving the car. <<source>>

Whaaaaaaaat?!?!  So this old leather Jesus sandal faced bitch was smokin that sticky icky and got too high to drive?

I demand a motherfuckin urinalysis !! I’ve been smoking for quite some time and um…yeah I’ve NEVER been so fuckin stoned that I had to ask my kid to drive. That sounds suspiciously like a heroin high.

Why is this smoking ANYTHING in front of her kid?

Why does she look like Beastman from the old he-man cartoons?

More importantly since she really does look like Beastman…why does she EVEN have a kid?

Who needs a chick with a donkey,when you can bone a real horse..

Psst..see this guy right here?  Other then the fact that he looks like he tries to bite his own farts and write his name on McDonalds windows with navel sweat…he also likes to fuck horses…
_rodell_vereen the horse fucking machineAlot! Because this wasn’t the first time he’s been caught.
…..Kenley said she noticed several weeks ago her 21-year-old horse Sugar was acting strange and getting infections again. She noticed things in the barn had been moved around — dirt piled up and bales of hay stacked near the horse’s stall at her Lazy B Stables in Longs, about 20 miles northeast of Myrtle Beach.
“Police kept telling me it couldn’t be the same guy,” Kenley said Wednesday. “I couldn’t believe that there were two guys going around doing this to the same horse.”
She spent several nights at the stables, which are about four miles from her home, but didn’t find anything. So she installed surveillance cameras, and when she reviewed the footage from July 19, she couldn’t believe she was seeing the same man doing the same thing to her horse.
Kenley didn’t call police because she was certain the man would come back to the stable, and she wanted to make sure he was arrested. So she staked out the barn and caught Vereen inside Monday night, chasing him to his truck and holding him with her shotgun until police came. { source}
Soooo not only is this nasty son of a bitch raping horses, he giving them infections and shit? really slim? Yo dick is that disease riddled that you burning horse pussy? Maybe you’re the same simpleton that started swine flu when you tried to fuck your pork chops. it takes a special type a dude to look at ANY animal and be like..”yeah..first chance I get,I’m hittin that”.

horse

Big ole ass and a long ponytail…maybe he thought he was in a rap video..::shrugs::

Why am I naked with an ass full of poker chips?!?

Ejaculoid

OK…I’ve been meaning to blog about this bullshit for quite some time now, Have you ever heard of a drug for restless leg syndrome called mirapex? Well neither had I until one night, while stoned and watching television, there appeared a commercial for some new drug. I was half paying attention when I heard this: side effects include headaches,dry mouth,a desire to gamble AND increased sexual urges. ::insert tire screech:: aye man..rewind that shit …  no fuckin way I just heard what I think I heard. Yep that’s what he said!! So basically Mr. monotone voice over guy, you’re telling me that in order for me NOT to suffer from RLS (restless leg syndrome), I may have to be willing to gamble away my life savings and possibly rape a bitch or 2? really? no..really? HOW DID THIS PASS FDA regulations? How in THE hell can this shit be a “reasonable” side effect? Fucked up part is this isn’t all that “un-common” according to an article circulated by the MAYO CLINIC . Needless to say thats pretty fuckered up. How long is it gonna be before somebody wakes up in a seedy motel room in  Vegas wondering why they have an ass full of poker chips and a black eye?

60% of people give too much of a fuck

“I used to like chinese,now I just don’t give a fuck”

Start not giving a fuck today!!!

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