Posts Tagged ‘little people’

Dwarf Gets his penis stuck in a vacuum.

freaky dwarf

A British dwarf who was performing at the ‘Edinburgh Festival’ found his penis glued to a vacuum cleaner (dude..the fuck are you doin fucking a vacuum…for any reason) while preparing for a live show. (now I’ve seen some wild shit…hell,I’ve seen and damn near sat through..a real live Donkey Show. Believe me when I tell you that there ain’t shit on this rock we call Earth that could make me spend good weed money..to watch a midget fuck a vacuum.)Daniel Blackner, known as “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf” performed at the Circus of Horrors, known for its oddball and offbeat performances. As part of the show, the dwarf pulls a Henry vacuum cleaner using a special attachment, across the show attached to his penis. ( I dunno if I’m more disturbed by the fact that he’s pulling around a vacuum by his pecker OR the fact that the vacuum is named “Henry”)However, the vacuum cleaner was broken before a performance and performer Blackner placed extra-strong glue on the attachment to fix it, neglecting to wait the entire 20 minutes required for the glue to dry, ( freaky and impatient…clearly not the best of combinations) which resulted in his penis becoming glued to the vacuum cleaner. *ouch!

After being rushed to the A&E department of Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, Blackner was freed after an hour ( I’m certain 45 minutes of that hour was dedicated to laughing their motherfuckin ass off!) and remarked that: “It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E with a vacuum attached to me. I just wished the ground could swallow me up.(careful what you wish for lil homey,I mean you ARE a freakin dwarf..how hard could that be?) Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short lived.” *Giggles*…He said “short” lived. Classic. < FULL ARTICLE >

MIDGETS FOR HIRE!!

Are you a MIDGET,DWARF,or just an abnormally short fucker? If so I have a unique job opportunity for you. We here @ THE MADHOUSE are sensitive to the hardships of being vertically challenged. We have assembled some of the best fourth rate specialists we could find to form a think tank,to decide how better to serve our citizens of less then normal stature.After minutes of deep deliberation we have decided the service industry would be best suited for our”smallest of Americans”.

Specifically in the area’s of food service i;e Gala’s,Fundraisers and private events,And the medical field.Because of your height you are perfectly suited to wear one of our newly designed snack and condiment hats. Designed with the service midget in mind ,these hats contain compartments perfect for dispensing peanuts,pretzels,etc. leaving your little pudgy midgets hands free to polish belt buckles or whatever supplemental services u may provide. Maybe even full blown entertainment services for people who are trying to cut down celebrity consumption.

Of course they will always come conveniently packaged.

As a service midget you will be uniquely qualified the the health care industry as a cost efficient and more hygienic replacement for “helper monkeys” commonly used to assist quadriplegics. In addition to those in wheelchairs you can also be of assistance to the blind as “seeing eye” midgets. As a Madhouse helper midget you will be equipped with all the things you need to get the job done.(step ladders,rope,and arm extensions). Put your abnormality to good use besides being an extra in a Hollywood movie staring midgets in monkey suits. VIVE LA MIDGETS…VIVE LOS FUN SIZED HOMBRES.!!!